Judging Sky

Well the best part of getting into a fight with Brandon is finding out that it's all you.......every little thing about him that you don't like it's ll you and the thing that hurts me the most it I'm still keeping him in the dark........I hate the way he doesn't think I can move to Japan.....Well it's cuz he doesn't know you want to move so you can be as far from your parents as possible.....I hate the way he talks about his Ex girlfriends.........It's because somehow in some way I know they're better.........I hate the way he forces me to tell him everything.....I like to have my secrets............maybe I should just give up! he deserves way better than me I'm broken beyond repair, The reality is maybe I am just a little affected by my sad past...maybe things in the past never go away they just dwell in your stomach.......eat at your soul until your numb...........Why can't I just run and keep running? never look back; never wonder why it still hurts, why I can't sleep at night Why won't I just forget. Well I can tell you this it's a million reason why I love him simple little nothings that remind me not to give up but then there are reasons that hold me back from living............Rachel, Jessi, Taylor, Tink all of them never see the broken Side of me.
I hide it safe inside my random personality and Brandon is getting close....pretty soon every little thing he says will make me want to leave him so I won't have to let him in.....I hate the way Things all end up that way......I should have never said "I love you". "I love you" meant that I was in to deep and not ready to be this close........I know what comes next I know I'll lose him becauseI'll push him away then I'll hate myself even more then comes the drinking, drugs and finally me waking up one day and thinking "Why aren't I dead yet?".
I hate the fact I'm so self conscious, I hate the way I never know what to do, I hate the way I can't be happy. Brandon is perfect in every way.....Funny, smart, sexy, sweet, he knows just what to say, He has the most sexiest smile I've ever seen, His voice makes me all warms inside, When he holds me I don't hurt anymore, being with him gives me a glimpse at something that was taken from me.....happiness. Brandon makes me wish for life, he doesn't know how much he really means to me. I would do anything just to have him next to me and not have to worry.........

Well I guess I have to go......sometimes a cigg makes everything better