Baby Blues..........

Not just a comic strip cartoon but an actual feeling. I wish baby were here and at the same time I'm afraid. The world is a lot more scary when you don't know the first thing about being a parent. Raising my brothers were a lot more different from raising something that is of your own flesh and blood. I don't want to fail her. The majority of the pressure comes from the world. I feel like everyone has designs on my life and parenting. I want to be free to make choices and at the same time I can't let anyone down. How am I suppose to know what's right if everyone is pulling me in different directions. I feel a lot of pressure from Michael, he seems to have all this secret plans and besides the fact he doesn't trust me and my judgment I often awake to hear him conspire against me with grandma Jackie. I let him control everything to a point. When is it time for me to be free? I feel as if I were to do as I please then he'd try and use baby as a manipulation tool. I'm tired of all the fights we have over him not trying to be a better person, one that does not control me and one that is healthy. I'm so unsure of myself when he "suggests" I should do things. I give him space yet he gives me none. How am I suppose to have a family when he is this way? What is a girl to do?